The second
section of our Bull reading begins in
Dr. Margoulies office. Bull is
hoping that the doctor reaffirms his diagnosis that the growth on the back of
his leg is only a burn, which he does.
Dr. Margoulies feels his lie is in the best interest of Bull because if
he were to tell him the truth – that it was, in fact, a vagina – Bull would be
worse off. We get the sense,
however, from that moment on that Dr. Margoulies is drawn/sexually attracted to
it.
When Bull on
being examined he experiences another moment like the one at the comedy show in
which he feels the anxiety of being a woman. He says: “But
this dread was something different.
It was a fear of intrusion into himself, rather than of expansion into
the World’s gaze.” (179) He does not explicitly make the connection between his
vulnerability and fear to an woman’s experience, but it is implicit to the
reader.
This
examination scene is also comedic, as Self continues to play with language in a
way that makes situation ironic at times and just plain juvenile at times. For example: “Margoulies used the balls
of his thumbs gently to prise apart the outer lips of the vagina.” (183) This
language is suggestive. Self makes
the choice to include “balls of his
thumbs” instead of just thumbs, making the hand a phallic symbol. It also foreshadows the doctor’s rape.
Before the
rape however, I found it strange that the doctor was concerned with his sexual
orientation and not just at the strangeness of the situation. He was planning on raping the back of
another person’s (lets not engender Bull right now) leg, and what he was
worried about if it made him queer or not? He says: “I fancy him, it’s true. But damn it all, I’m not queer, I’m just not.” (221) Self is
purposefully undermining the seriousness and
the strangeness of the situation. And
then later, after the doctor has raped Bull, instead of contemplating the strangeness
of what had just occurred, he worries about his career. “Worse still, the man
was his patient.” (233)
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